My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
