Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize