he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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