dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
