hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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