Sry I called you an 8
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't deserve a penis
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
