this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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