Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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