I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
