You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
