just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
