i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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