Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize