It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can text with my tongue
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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