i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Boobs speak an international language.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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