My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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