atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Mom said you looked used
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
