she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
