I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
