I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
