Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
