I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
