There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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