i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize