i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The feeling are messing with the penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
