NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize