I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
