what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
