So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My ass is underappreciated
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
