i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
