I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I believe in your delicious
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
