things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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