So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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