Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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