i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
