i would punch a child for taco bell
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
