You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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