It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
