STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
