im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
