my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
