no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
