I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can I color on your dick again?
They took my balls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
