On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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