my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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