I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
