There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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