that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
