did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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