well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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