bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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