some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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