he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
