I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
