So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
