I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
two words: eviction party
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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