you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
