dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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