i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
