Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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