College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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