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When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its not stalking. its research.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
