I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
