im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm bleeding and have questions
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
