are you still at the devil's house?
You're my little dorito
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
