I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
